Way of Life

It's friday and the week passed without much incident except the daily monotone of my miserable pathetic life. I feel miserable yet I don't find much wrong about my current state… I'd rather have a defined problem than one that is only formed in my mind and not knowing what exactly is wrong, for that matter.

What I know of is that there is something in me, something lacking, that I am trying to figure out what. Purpose? Come on, I don't wanna start being philosophical now. It's friday for chrisakes! See, I even argue with myself. It happens —–> a lot of times. Crazy yet I have succumbed to the fact that this is how i operate. I tried different approaches in dealing with things or say, conditioning my mind to a certain perspective, but I tend to find myself back from where I started. Thus, anxiety cripples me and takes my sanity away. I sound like some lunatic blogger - please don't creep out on me. Sometimes, I say/write things at my own amusement yet, a lot of people misunderstands it - probably i was born with an out of this world humor of some sort.

As I said, it's friday and in this part of the world, it's but normal to hang out or wind up somewhere to relax and take the whole stressful week out of the system. But i don't have a plan. For the 2 months of being back in manila, i seem to have become aloof to people to a certain extent  although i still try to keep in touch but nothing like before I left where hanging out with friends even on a weekday is but normal.

I used to admire people who follows strict routine. Time, budget, activities, etc. - some people are just afraid to pick random activities without planning ahead, nay, even when they don't have plans at the moment where a random possible activity is coming there way. However creepy i might  find it, i still admire the discipline. This my friend, is what i'm trying to do with my life now. I am trying to follow a routine, effortful, but i'm hoping that it will be habit forming that will totally become a way of life.

But the fact is, i find it dull and BORING! I don't know until when i can hold on to this way of life that i'm trying to acquire, but wish me luck here… It's 5pm and I'm preparing my way out the office! Have a nice weekend.