Nth Year Down the Road
June 25, 2007I’m back! It’s not that I’ve been really busy, I mean, I never really understood what it meant when people would say “kung gusto, may paraan. Kung ayaw, maraming dahilan” (if there’s a will, there’s a way) until recently – without any reason, it suddenly just struck what it really entails. I guess, people really do set priorities… And for some apparent reasons, given the priorities I have now, I’ve come to accept and respect other people’s priorities (however bitter it might somehow personally mean).
During one of the coffee sessions (and by coffee session it means, tall mocha frap and a whole pack of winstons lights) I had with one of my closest buddies (zhao, who is also from davao and working as well here in manila), she suddenly pointed out “remember after graduation –mostly during interviews, people would ask, how do you see yourself, say 5, 10 years from now”. Well, five years have gone down the drain without really feeling a great sense of accomplishment except exhausting one’s income to bar hops and those bizarre activities just to have all out fun. But 2 years from now will be 10 years of being a wage earner!
At that time, my usual answer to the question would be seeing myself as someone inching up one flight at a time to become a manager (or somebody), you know, parroting the article you just read from one of ‘em shallow magazines you’ve picked from out of nowhere! I was really clueless what my goals were while applying until I was employed with AIG. And seeing how the organization works, you tend to mold a framework on how you would want to become nth year down the road. And so I envisioned myself to be at least an AVP, hence, MBA and the works!
I’d say during the early part of being a wage earner, seeing it the way I see it now, it wasn’t really that bad. In less than 2 years, I managed to become an officer with the company (believe me that’s a bit short – I’ve seen people in the staff position with a bank for more than 10 years!) – maybe I was just lucky to belong in an organization where they really see the employee’s potential. Being ungrateful and all – or to justify it – career driven, I transferred from one company to another. People would often ask why I keep on transferring, and being arrogant that I was (perhaps, still am), I’d often answer, because I can! Becoming more restless and impatient, I thought I was stagnant. I was so impatient (and arrogant) I managed to fight with some of my former dolt superiors.
Believing that I reached a certain plateau, I decided to leave everything I’ve accomplished and pack for Dubai. I thought it would make me happy despite people’s insistence for me to stay, I left and thought I would never look back. As of this writing, although I insisted that I had no regrets, I felt that I was the biggest loser there is in the entire world. But then again, despite the negative turn of events, it’s something that I’m as well grateful for. It was one humbling experience that I’m able to appreciate my life better now. True, I’m still being visited by my greatest enemies (Mr and Mrs Anxiety Depression) but this time, I am aided and well prepared to fight against these villains.
There are a lot of well kept secrets and mysteries that this world holds. Imagine on top of the table, you’d find all sort of fruits. You’re eyeing for the apple because you thought it’s what you really want, but halfway through munching it, you feel like eating the bunch of grapes, until you ate all the fruits there is that you like, ending up having an upset stomach. Suddenly, you want to blow and throw up, or worst a diarrhea. I think that’s what happened to me. I had a lot of opportunities that I thought I should grab everything that knocks (as we’re made to believe, an opportunity does not knock twice – or something to that effect). But seeing the cycle now, I must admit, I made certain mistakes that my body involuntarily took the toxins out of my system.
So what’s the way forward? I still want to rush things, of course, who wouldn’t want up the ladder while you’re still young. But I think this time, I am more cautious. Not with how people would perceive my actions (for the longest time, I’ve been really conscious about it), but rather in taking things rationally. For instance, I’ve written how I felt about the company that I’m with now and I really didn’t like the slow moving environment. But as time passed, I’m actually happier/at peace now. After dealing with an arab arse boss from hell, or working with some dimwitted, incompetent superiors with the other banks before, I am now working with, I guess, the humblest, kind, competent, low profile bosses I’ve encountered during my 7 years of working with different organizations. Imagine, with all those 4 previous companies that I was connected with, in some way I’ve fought and peeved with some Managers, AVP’s, and even a company owner (my employer in dubai). With this bank now, 6 calendar month page turns after, I still cannot think of anybody that annoys me. As I’d say, it’s like I’m having a paid vacation now.
Leading me to an update on my application with Standard Chartered Bank, I already went there last week for a job offer. Talking about being cautious, I’ve already made a background check as to what to expect in the organization. Based on the feedback, it’s the kind of environment that I want to work with –fast paced and on the go to maximize my energy while still young. However, given the possible trade-offs with my company now- relax and stress free, I was compelled to negotiate (monetary and rank) as I felt that if I would want to stay longer with an organization this time, I should be satisfied with the pay and the title, and in turn provide them the value-added services that I could offer.
As for expecting them to call if they can provide what I negotiated, unlike before where I tend to be so jittery and restless for a reply, I actually don’t expect anything now. At least this time, having turned down the offer myself, I don’t have any reason to whine about my current company as I’ve already been given the chance to leave, but opted to stay.
So almost 10 years of working and how do I feel about it? I’m grateful for the comeback despite almost one year of doing an entirely different job (I considered it as a sabbatical year), and having this industry embraced me openly. Almost 10 years and almost midway to my goal which I originally planned to achieve by that time, and although less-likely, I might just succumb to extending it a bit further.
Almost 10 years, although I still see the arrogance within me waiting for a spark to be awakened, this is a continuous battle within myself. Of being able to hold on a bit. Of patience. Of being happy and taking pleasure from mundane matters. I’d say I could only fool myself so much but until that day when I decide to quit and pack my things again, be ready to beat the guts out of me. I’ve learnt that despite how stronger the complexities and complications of life have become as you age, the harder it is that you struggle to win your battles.
My Top Picks for Emerging Influential Blogs in 2007
June 9, 2007This blog doesn't only prove to be therapeutic but inspiring and flattering as well. Not just from the comments and messages I received but recently I was nominated by alohapenny and Jojie Alcantara (thank you both) for the Project of Ms. Janette Toral's Top 10 Emerging Influential Blogs in 2007. Details and mechanics of the said Project can viewed here.
I decided to participate in the project and cites my Top Emerging Inflential Blogs in 2007 as well found below:
1. Dabawenya Jud by Jojie Alcantara
I’ve been routing for this blog since I discovered it given that it provides me with updates from my hometown. The photos posted here are superb and I look up to the author with her efforts in making a difference for Davao City. She’s a photojournalist for a local daily in Davao, as well.
2. The Exile of a Superstar by Wits Suzara
3. NONEED4INk by Maki Eduardo
4. The Truth of Simplicity by Janus Richard Ronimo
5. Penny for your Thoughts by Alohapenny
6. Behind the Shrubbery by Lizette
7. Ramblings of a Mad Virus by Ramblingvirus
8. What's on my Mind by Ceefive
9. Gunita at Galak by Kasiyahan
10. Spidey, King of the Games by Moises Alexies Lloveras
I've nominated the 2-10 blogs since they're all using the i.ph domain which is owned and administered by fellow filipinos - love our own! These are as well the sites I frequently visit and enjoy reading which can be proven by the messages and comments I made in these blogs. The contents of the abovementioned blogs varies from having made me laugh to being informative, inspiring, thought provoking, unique and creative. And of course, these are all qualified in accordance with the mechanics of the said project.
I still have more in my list, but unfortunately, they only need 10 choices. The project will end until August this year, so spread the word and pick your Top 10 Emerging Influential Blogs in 2007, as well!
Forgiving my Father by Forgiving Myself
June 8, 2007It was sometime in June of 2002 or 2003 (I’m not sure about the date) when I received a call from my sister to fly immediately home to Davao since I was already working here in Manila and that I need to be there fast since my father who was suffering from colon cancer had only a week left to live according to the doctor. I was already able to write something similar to this in my previous blog but to clear it out here, my father and I never really had a father-son relationship except for some vague memory I had with him when I was a child. So going home at that time was more of an obligation than a concern or to put it more clearly, I had to drag myself and forced to pack my things up since I was already enjoying my job and my stay here in Manila. Still carrying a baggage full of hang-ups with him, staying in Davao and waiting for his death was such burden. I even sent an sms to one of my friends when after a week of still being alive, saying, “ang tagal naman mamatay ng tatay ko (it’s taking too long for my father to die *in a grouchy tone)”. I know a lot of people were saying how bad of a son I was when I relayed this incident. And I would always defend myself that he was never a father to me so how can I become a son to him other than being a biological father? But at that moment, it was the exact sentiment I was feeling - for him to die sooner and end his suffering as well as my suffering from boredom. No, he didn’t leave us for another family nor did I grow up without him around. In fact, he was always physically there but in my eyes he was invisible. He was a quiet man who took good care of his fighting cocks. Hell, he was even more affectionate to his roosters, grooming them every so often, but had never expressed some physical affection to his own children. So the gap between him and me grew and a huge wall was built until I found myself in his death bed trying to break a huge barrier asking that he’d be forgiven for whatever it was that he had done wrong. It was not a dramatic scene as you would’ve seen people dying in movies -fighting to utter the remaining words he has left in the world. While I could only feel pity for his suffering, I was indifferent but was trying really hard to understand him and gave my remark of forgiveness just so, you know, he would die in peace.
He talked to everyone of us who was present, and we were there at his last gasp of breath. And there he was, at peace! And there I was, as well, still alive at that moment trying to resolve all my hang-ups. It would’ve been hard for me to write these things if I have not forgiven him. But I think I’ve already outgrown the anger. Those were the growing pains that I had to endure. I don’t know if it comes with age and maturity but I could only look back… Now, I understood that he was also merely just a victim of himself and his fate. He might never really know how to show his affection and felt hopeless for not fully able to provide his obligations. As I recall now, he was actually playful and close to my nephews and nieces. Maybe, those were his ways to make up for his deficiencies with his own children. As I started to grasp deeper into my life and experience life’s realities and its brutal jests, somehow, I understood - perhaps, not fully, but one of those mysterious acceptance that suddenly runs through you. I’m writing this as recently my officemate reminded me that father’s day is approaching. I can’t recall greeting my father on a father’s day, but perhaps, this would be my way of remembering him. Something that may not be heard by someone who has long gone buried, but maybe this is something that I owe to myself and give it a full closure, that, I had forgiven myself for the lack of understanding, and that I too was merely just a victim of my own anger.
Warning! This is a Self-Inflicted Virus
June 3, 2007So, I'm not really fond of tagging and what's the other one? - meme (wonder what that means, been asking people and nobody has answered me yet), but I find this one I copied through aloha interesting! Probably my subconscious is telling me there's some mystical wonders it could lead me somewhere (haha believe me, I've never done one of those disgusting chain emails - mamatay na ang kung sino man!) and I'm choosing my favourite number which is 5 (thankfully, no one has owned it yet), so there you go! Feel free to copy it as well, ayt… I do hope that people will actually use these links to access random blogs, which I think the author has failed to promote in using it to lurk into other people's page. I mean this is the very essence of it, right? I also took the liberty of putting spaces in between the asterisks (and changed the color of the asterisks too to customize it in my page - can't use a black text to a black background) , as opposed to the original version (don't worry I was careful not to mess with the links of others) given that it's tad hard to point at each dots. So, Here goes nothin'!
———copy and paste the Viralink and instructions below this line———
Below is a matrix of 120 stars, I have already added a link to my blog onto one of the stars, all you need to do is copy and paste the grid into your blog and add your own link to one of the other spare stars, and tell others to do the same!
Viralink
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New Addition: Once you have added the Viralink to your site, please leave me a comment so I can add your link to this grid, and each person who copies the grid from here will also link to your site!
Rules
No Porn Sites
Only 1 link per person (i.e don’t hog the viralink!)
Please don’t tamper with other peoples url’s
Enjoy!
———copy and paste the Viralink and instructions above this line———
If you are still wondering how the thing works, dont ask me i cant explain it any clearer than the person who started it. Click here.
Goodluck!! Dont forget to comment once you've posted the viralink ok?
Of Celebrating a Milestone, Independence, and Democracy
It's been 3 months since I migrated here in i.ph from friendster blog. I used to tell myself not to write anything regarding my this blog but considering how it gives me therapeutic benefits, well here it is…
I never expected to get some comments or even just a shoutout in the message box as for a year of blogging with friendster, I only received a handful of them. But this i.ph blog and the boosters that I encrypted in my sidebar proved effective enough to get a minute share of the traffic. This for me is enough knowing that people are actually reading and lurking around. After 3 months, my sitemeter says I've reached a thousand hits. I'm celebrating this milestone and extending my gratitude to everyone who have left a message, made commentaries, and even just dropped by to read some of the entries I wrote here. This being said, I am making an effort to address all the comments left here even though it might seem too late of a reply. This, I guess, is the only way I could say thanks for the effort you made to react something. Yes, I'm euphoric everytime I receive reactions as most of you can relate to. Again, I really do appreciate the messages and Thank You for the time in dropping by…
Since a bulk of the people lost here are fellow flips, I intend to write something about working abroad in my future posts- some tips, do's and dont's perhaps, that will help some of you who are contemplating on finding or getting a job outside the country specifically in the middle east where my experience has taught me a lot. Or if you have anything in mind to ask, just leave a message. I'd be glad to answer them as much as I can.
So it's June! Month of Independence day for the Philippines. From what I heard, I think the President has moved the non-working holiday to June 11 instead of June 12 to have a long weekend. I haven't made any plans for the extended weekend yet but I think I might just stay in Manila and contemplate on our so called freedom. Freedom that we have achieved from our colonizers yet never really made to good use. I could only wish that we are still colonized by the americans until now if the kind of freedom is that which we have now - alarming poverty rate, government plague by corruption, undisciplined citizens, continuing and unresolved problems in Mindanao, and what-have-you. Well, reading last friday's business headline in Inquirer, it says our gross domestic product rose by 6.9 percent year-on-year in the first quarter, way above market expectations of 5.7-5.8 percent and the fastest in 17 years. This is an applause for Arroyo's Leadership! I've been ambivalent about Arroyo's presidency but I was never against her. Heck, we have no choice but only her if we talk about credentials. I do hope that the politicking will stop and move on to work for the betterment of the government.
I never voted for the elections, having been passive about exercising the right to suffrage (I guess, I'm one of those who is to be blamed for our deteriorating system), but I wish Trillanes will win. I think we need this kind of person who can stand to his beliefs, as proven with the oakwood mutiny. As circulated in the emails, the continuous decay of our system cannot be only blamed to the government or whatever force there is that we could blame to. Perhaps, it is time for every single one of us to take accountability. In relation to Trillanes, I hope he could bring his military discipline in the senate. We need not only good laws to be passed in the bills but also the proper implementation. What good is a law if none of which are being implemented and properly followed by the citizens? Discipline is everything. It's what makes a business grow. It's an ingredient for harmony. It's a substance that will drive us for growth. And wish that Trillanes among others will lead a strong leadership to properly implement the laws of our land.
Below is a feedback I've read in inquirer.net. All I could say is, while I have nothing against coexisting with these dimwit muslims, islam is not opposed to democracy, alright!?! In fact, they want democracy badly that they are fighting for an independent Mindanao - a separate entity, an entirely different country all for themselves (muslims). Hell, they are the very reason a lot of people in Mindanao are starving to death and threatened by terroristic attacks, obviously war is bad for business! And even the reason why the Philippines as a whole has been tagged as highly dangerous country when one of 'em western countries would release a travel advisory, which is again BAD for our economy.
Islam and democracy
06/01/07
Posted under Feedback
I AM happy that there are still a few journalists, like Manuel Quezon III, who have the ability to address an issue objectively and without bias. I agree with him when he said that Islam is not opposed to democracy.
While there may be interpretations of the Koran by various groups leading to the idea of anti-democracy, the fact that the Muslims themselves are the ones reporting the electoral fraud, albeit some are in hiding for fear of their safety, signals that Muslims also want to participate in Philippine democracy by having peaceful, credible and honest elections.
The proposal of the bishops for a different political set-up would result in marginalizing the Muslims in the Philippines and reinforce the longstanding claim of some of them for a separate Muslim Mindanao. This kind of thinking is a remnant of that of the Spanish colonizers. Note that there is an increasing number of Muslim professionals (including me) who are advocating for change in the Muslim areas although there names may be unheard of yet.
The act of giving credence to the opinions and decision of elders is shared by all Filipinos, be they Christians or Muslims. It is a Filipino tradition. It is a mistake to say that only Muslims are inclined to honor what their elders say. In the same vein that Muslim areas did not have the monopoly on cheating or violence during the elections. There were incidents of cheating and/or killings in Abra, Davao del Norte, Ilocos, Bukidnon, Cebu (Hello Garci!), Batangas, Nueva Ecija, Bacarra and everywhere else in the Philippines. So to focus on alleged cultural differences as the cause of fraud in Muslim Areas is beside the point.
What cannot be denied though is the apathy of most Muslims toward the election of officials to sit in the national positions, making their votes susceptible to fraud (most of them literally leave blank the space for senators). Most of them do not care, simply because they think that no one in Manila sincerely cares for them. But this is another story.
The point is whether Muslim or Christian, we all want a better country governed by better leaders for the future of our children. Let us address fairly and without bias the issues and not marginalize those who are already marginalized.
– Normina Musor-Datudacula, Quirino Avenue, Manila (via e-mail)
