Nth Year Down the Road

I’m back! It’s not that I’ve been really busy, I mean, I never really understood what it meant when people would say “kung gusto, may paraan. Kung ayaw, maraming dahilan” (if there’s a will, there’s a way) until recently – without any reason, it suddenly just struck what it really entails. I guess, people really do set priorities… And for some apparent reasons, given the priorities I have now, I’ve come to accept and respect other people’s priorities (however bitter it might somehow personally mean). 

During one of the coffee sessions (and by coffee session it means, tall mocha frap and a whole pack of winstons lights) I had with one of my closest buddies (zhao, who is also from davao and working as well here in manila), she suddenly pointed out “remember after graduation –mostly during interviews, people would ask, how do you see yourself, say 5, 10 years from now”. Well, five years have gone down the drain without really feeling a great sense of accomplishment except exhausting one’s income to bar hops and those bizarre activities just to have all out fun. But 2 years from now will be 10 years of being a wage earner!

At that time, my usual answer to the question would be seeing myself as someone inching up one flight at a time to become a manager (or somebody), you know, parroting the article you just read from one of ‘em shallow magazines you’ve picked from out of nowhere! I was really clueless what my goals were while applying until I was employed with AIG. And seeing how the organization works, you tend to mold a framework on how you would want to become nth year down the road. And so I envisioned myself to be at least an AVP, hence, MBA and the works! 

I’d say during the early part of being a wage earner, seeing it the way I see it now, it wasn’t really that bad. In less than 2 years, I managed to become an officer with the company (believe me that’s a bit short – I’ve seen people in the staff position with a bank for more than 10 years!) – maybe I was just lucky to belong in an organization where they really see the employee’s potential. Being ungrateful and all – or to justify it – career driven, I transferred from one company to another. People would often ask why I keep on transferring, and being arrogant that I was (perhaps, still am), I’d often answer, because I can! Becoming more restless and impatient, I thought I was stagnant. I was so impatient (and arrogant) I managed to fight with some of my former dolt superiors. 

Believing that I reached a certain plateau, I decided to leave everything I’ve accomplished and pack for Dubai. I thought it would make me happy despite people’s insistence for me to stay, I left and thought I would never look back. As of this writing, although I insisted that I had no regrets, I felt that I was the biggest loser there is in the entire world. But then again, despite the negative turn of events, it’s something that I’m as well grateful for. It was one humbling experience that I’m able to appreciate my life better now. True, I’m still being visited by my greatest enemies (Mr and Mrs Anxiety Depression) but this time, I am aided and well prepared to fight against these villains.

There are a lot of well kept secrets and mysteries that this world holds. Imagine on top of the table, you’d find all sort of fruits. You’re eyeing for the apple because you thought it’s what you really want, but halfway through munching it, you feel like eating the bunch of grapes, until you ate all the fruits there is that you like, ending up having an upset stomach. Suddenly, you want to blow and throw up, or worst a diarrhea. I think that’s what happened to me.  I had a lot of opportunities that I thought I should grab everything that knocks (as we’re made to believe, an opportunity does not knock twice – or something to that effect). But seeing the cycle now, I must admit, I made certain mistakes that my body involuntarily took the toxins out of my system.

So what’s the way forward? I still want to rush things, of course, who wouldn’t want up the ladder while you’re still young. But I think this time, I am more cautious. Not with how people would perceive my actions (for the longest time, I’ve been really conscious about it), but rather in taking things rationally. For instance, I’ve written how I felt about the company that I’m with now and I really didn’t like the slow moving environment. But as time passed, I’m actually happier/at peace now. After dealing with an arab arse boss from hell, or working with some dimwitted, incompetent superiors with the other banks before, I am now working with, I guess, the humblest, kind, competent, low profile bosses I’ve encountered during my 7 years of working with different organizations. Imagine, with all those 4 previous companies that I was connected with, in some way I’ve fought and peeved with some Managers, AVP’s, and even a company owner (my employer in dubai). With this bank now, 6 calendar month page turns after, I still cannot think of anybody that annoys me. As I’d say, it’s like I’m having a paid vacation now.

Leading me to an update on my application with Standard Chartered Bank, I already went there last week for a job offer. Talking about being cautious, I’ve already made a background check as to what to expect in the organization. Based on the feedback, it’s the kind of environment that I want to work with –fast paced and on the go to maximize my energy while still young. However, given the possible trade-offs with my company now- relax and stress free, I was compelled to negotiate (monetary and rank) as I felt that if I would want to stay longer with an organization this time, I should be satisfied with the pay and the title, and in turn provide them the value-added services that I could offer.

As for expecting them to call if they can provide what I negotiated, unlike before where I tend to be so jittery and restless for a reply, I actually don’t expect anything now. At least this time, having turned down the offer myself, I don’t have any reason to whine about my current company as I’ve already been given the chance to leave, but opted to stay. 

So almost 10 years of working and how do I feel about it? I’m grateful for the comeback despite almost one year of doing an entirely different job (I considered it as a sabbatical year), and having this industry embraced me openly. Almost 10 years and almost midway to my goal which I originally planned to achieve by that time, and although less-likely, I might just succumb to extending it a bit further. 

Almost 10 years, although I still see the arrogance within me waiting for a spark to be awakened, this is a continuous battle within myself. Of being able to hold on a bit. Of patience. Of being happy and taking pleasure from mundane matters. I’d say I could only fool myself so much but until that day when I decide to quit and pack my things again, be ready to beat the guts out of me. I’ve learnt that despite how stronger the complexities and complications of life have become as you age, the harder it is that you struggle to win your battles.