NO IFS, NO BUTS
January 2, 2009It’s 2009! year after year, we celebrate christmas, birthdays, new year’s and all other significant events in our lives… Year after year, we are given the opportunity to look into the past and assess probably our progress, or the lack of it. After 30 years of the same anticipation for these events, I’ve come to terms with the idea that perhaps, that’s just the way it is. No matter how eloquent or philosophical your approach is to your existence, you may opt to do it with or without any complications, you might even base it on religious ideologies, it all goes down to just simply living it as it goes (no ifs, no buts).
Coming home (davao) for the holidays, a lot of things crossed into my mind. These are random thoughts that probably prompted me to better appreciate certain things in perspective. A friend recently told me that she no longer sees the fire in me. Is this a fair assumption? Perhaps, but not quite, for I am still fuelled enough to walk the path. A path that doesn’t have any particular direction (at least for now). I just simply wanna take my time and appreciate the things around me at the moment (no fuss).
Being home with my family, I was quite surprised that I found a deeper connection with them. There were times where I used to think that I go home only because I am compelled to meet a family obligation. Having a big family, I now found certain joy seeing my nieces and nephews getting older and even some with their own respective responsibilities, as well. That having conversations with my siblings (recalling the past), is quite amusing and calming, knowing that no matter the difficulties we had, we managed to do just fine.
And how about my old fellas from way back. The one they branded as coolbarkadahan, which I always thought isn’t an apt name for the group. These are individuals who are: overflowing with confidence; some are really achievers while some are claiming (haha), with an intellect and awareness (socio-political, moral principles, name it and everyone has strong points of view) that’s above average than the normal people you meet around; maybe, trying to be cool, thus, the name “coolbarkadahan”. And you’ll wonder why I belong in this group… I’ve always acknowledged that these are the people who helped me come out of my shell (reminds me of the hermit crabs i recently toyed with in costa marina). Among the group, I probably am the only timid member, so just imagine how I am before I belong to this group. A commune with them is always something that I look forward to, for someone who just likes to sit in the corner and listen. These friends always come out with something that’s amusing, beyond fun!
Staying here back for good also crossed into my mind. After 8 years of living in a rat race environment, it came to a point where I’ve asked the question whether it’s all worth it or not. Well, it sure was a hell of a ride and I could say all 8 years of it hasn’t gone down the drain. I’d say I came to love not the metro itself but the people I encountered along the way - those who’ve kept me away from solitude and even those who let me be myself when I needed silence. I am lucky to have been surrounded by people who’ve made certain marks. So am I coming back? It’s only a matter of time. Maybe not now, but you know what they say about your hometown - it’ll always be home!
So I guess, 2009 for me will not be any different from the previous years except that I welcome the coming year with much much more gratitude and anticipation. Cheers!
