Finish, Insha’allah!

• Scene: Dubai Media City office, boss Mr. Toes speaking with a service provider representative few days after Sheikh Zayed’s first day with the company.

• Boss: Assalam alaikum!

• Representative: Walaikum assalam!

• Boss: Kaifa haaluka!

• Representative: Alhamdulilah

• Boss: How’s everything?

• *even more warm greetings*

• Represetative: Fine. I’m here to collect the check for…

• Boss: No! I told you, call me first before coming here! I haven’t prepared the check yet. &$&^@^ Bukrah! $@*$@^$ Dirham!

• Representative: But this has been overdue… blah blah blah … *interrupted

• Boss: Are you finish?

• Boss: Are you finish? Are you finish!? Are you finish?! Are you finish?! Are you finish?! Are you finish?! Are you finish?!! Are you finish?!!! Are you finish?!!!!!!?

• Representative: Shukran! Insha’allah i’ll be back some other time.

• Boss: And call before you come over!

• Sheikh Zayed: Lowers head in shame for the representative. *mind speaking* what a nice way to start day hearing long exchange of warm greetings and ends up fighting. Mr. Toes sure is full of surprises. <Apprehensive that boss will do the same to him>.

Ripple Effect in the Mid East

• Scene: Global insurer holding a hotel press conference in Dubai.

• American CEO Speaker: The history of our company existing within MENA can be traced several decades ago, but we’re expanding our coverage by establishing a regional head quarters here in Dubai because we believe in the great potential that this market can give… A***** Takaful have a committee to guarantee that we are indeed sharia’h compliant.

• Press: But where did you get the funding for the incorporation of this Takaful?

• Speaker: From the mother company…

• Press: So how can you guarantee that these funds coming from the mother company is sharia’h compliant?

• Sheikh Zayed: *mind speaking* Company deals with insurance that earns on interest fees by investing and lending funds from profit generating industries like banking, real estate, stock market. These people are way utopian thinking these funds could be coming from a sharia’h compliant fund. Oh well, bravo Dubai for revolutionising its country by opening up to the global market. It’s about time our arab brothers start to commercialise and maximise its oil money. With UAE starting the economic boom, I could only hope that it will have a ripple effect to the Middle East region as a whole and focus on the economic reforms than political wager.

• <takaful- is a non-traditional insurance availed mostly by our muslim brothers given that it is sharia’h compliant. Sharia’h is a muslim code, law that rejects transactions involving interests and the like.>

Stinky DVD’s, anyone?

• Scene: Pirated DVD sold in one of those tiangge malls. Stalls half empty of DVD merchandise

• Sheikh Zayed: I need to exchange this DVD for another movie. It doesn’t work well.

• Vendor: Sir, you have to come back. Authorities are here to catch vendors selling pirated DVDs. We kept the DVD’s and if we change that now, they might be here again soon.

• Sheikh Zayed: *mind speaking* It’s obvious that the tenants of the stalls are selling Pirated DVD’s and they might have caught people selling when they arrived. Why not catch every vendor on a stand by in the area or fine the mall owner for allowing these vendors to sell their illegal merchandise if they’re really serious about eliminating this kind of crime?

—–>

• Scene: Manila office. Boss talking to an expatriate Indian outsourced for system maintenance and upgrade.

• Boss: Good morning Rakesh!

• Rakesh: Good morning!

• Boss: I see you’re early today, huh?

• Rakesh: All smiles approaching boss.

• Boss: Well, go home and take a bath first!

• Sheikh Zayed: Naughty Grins.

SZ Road Violation

• Scene: FX being pulled over for violating something (unclear violation) in Ortigas center.

• Driver: Chief, what’s my violation?

• Police: You displayed your signage while picking up passengers. You have to do it discreetly. Flaunt the sign with your other hand while picking passengers, don’t hang it.

• Sheikh Zayed: *mind speaking* What the fuck! How’s he supposed to pick up passengers if he won’t hang it in the windshield?! If it’s illegal to pick up passengers in the area, why would he teach to post the signage discreetly? Isn’t it the same banana after all - violating a rule! These freaking regulators and their goddamn rules! We all know that these FX are there for business. And this dumb, hamar police, if it’s a violation then it should be a violation regardless of flaunting it or discreetly picking passengers. And by the way, it’s a hazard driving with just one hand on the wheel. Our country is doomed if our system continues to work this way!

Sheikh Zayed Invades Space

I am creating a character in this blog. Given my ability to be biased and prejudiced at different issues and ideas, Sheikh Zayed will be my alter ego, everything and anything that I am and I am not. He will be every Filipino, Tagalog, Bisaya, Ilonggo, Ilocano, Kapampangan; Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Atheist, Agnostic; Educated, illiterate, professional, employed, unemployed, subordinate, colleague, superior; marginalized, rich, middle class, etc. Sheikh Zayed will speak, talk, hear, listen, watch, feel and observe the daily conversations and activities of people in the streets, public transportation, office building, malls and everything there is that he will encounter. He will recall past experiences in his local travels and the limited sights he has seen abroad.

• Scene: Call center employees chatting, unmindful of the people in the fully loaded lift.
• Boy Employee: How much salary did you get for this month?
• Girl Officemate: I’ve gotten enough; too bad I didn’t render much over time.
• Gay Officemate2: Well, ako malaki sweldo ko ngayon, PhP15K! <Mine is very high, I received $300 (roughly)>
• Sheikh Zayed: *Mind Speaking* Ibn Sharmutah! PhP15K lang, at pinagmamayabang na sa buong mundo. (Son of a Bleap@! For just $300, it’s (neither he or she) talking as if it’s too big to be proud of for people in the world to know!>